You really coming over, don't trick.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
