ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize