We're like a lot better than the average bears
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
