You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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