I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
