There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
