If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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