I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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