do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize