OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
