foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
