I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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