I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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