I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
