I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
