I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
