after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
