I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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