she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
