Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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