At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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