It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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