it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
