I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
