Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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