I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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