Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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