well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize