i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
