We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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