addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
