I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in itâ€
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
