i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
