I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
