Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
worst night to have a conscience
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
