I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
