i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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