Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
