so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
