Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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