Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
