stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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