I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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