I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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