so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
