He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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