Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
