In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
