My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
