I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
