We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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