Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
