I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
