I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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