I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
