Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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