i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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