Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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