my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
