Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
