This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
