called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
