tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
