he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize