the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Let's get the cat blown out
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
