i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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