I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
