My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
