Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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