I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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